Monday, February 6, 2012
All about Will - My Surprise Blessing
The fact is I was up to my ears in a rambunctious 7 month old named Sam and the thought of adding another baby to the chaos that was our life was overwhelming. But while I was struggling to make peace with the timing I celebrated the baby inside me. While my sleep deprived brain tried to catch up, my heart was already in love with this little life.
Will was due on my birthday -- March 8 -- but he didn't wait that long. Induced due to preeclampsia, Will made his appearance in this world on February 23 -- my mom's birthday. It really couldn't have been more perfect. And I don't think I can find the words to describe the mix of emotions -- bittersweet and all consuming -- that I felt when I held my sweet Will for the very first time. The grief and joy were so intermingled I couldn't tell one from the other.
But in that moment I knew something for sure. Will was not an unexpected blessing. Will was a very planned and intentional gift from my mom.
You see, I believe that God gave me Sam. He knew I needed Sam to get me through the first year without my mom.
But Will was my mom's doing. Her answer to my desperate pleas. I wasn't seeing her in my dreams like others had reported. I would cry out questions to her that would go unanswered. Just as I was struggling to see her in the every day she sent me a sign that she was still with me. And every day since I look at that little boy who has so stolen my heart and I know, I just know deep down inside that she is with me.