The fact is I was up to my ears in a rambunctious 7 month old named Sam and the thought of adding another baby to the chaos that was our life was overwhelming. But while I was struggling to make peace with the timing I celebrated the baby inside me. While my sleep deprived brain tried to catch up, my heart was already in love with this little life.
Will was due on my birthday -- March 8 -- but he didn't wait that long. Induced due to preeclampsia, Will made his appearance in this world on February 23 -- my mom's birthday. It really couldn't have been more perfect. And I don't think I can find the words to describe the mix of emotions -- bittersweet and all consuming -- that I felt when I held my sweet Will for the very first time. The grief and joy were so intermingled I couldn't tell one from the other.
But in that moment I knew something for sure. Will was not an unexpected blessing. Will was a very planned and intentional gift from my mom.
You see, I believe that God gave me Sam. He knew I needed Sam to get me through the first year without my mom.
But Will was my mom's doing. Her answer to my desperate pleas. I wasn't seeing her in my dreams like others had reported. I would cry out questions to her that would go unanswered. Just as I was struggling to see her in the every day she sent me a sign that she was still with me. And every day since I look at that little boy who has so stolen my heart and I know, I just know deep down inside that she is with me.
Beautiful post, Amanda. You always bring tears to my eyes with these posts! And happy birthday to little Will!
ReplyDeleteBeautifully said. This was a terrific read.
ReplyDeleteThank you Kelly!
DeleteWhat a beautiful reminder that we should accept life's gifts with an open heart. Thank you for sharing your joy with us!
ReplyDelete<3
DeleteBeautiful post. Very touching and heartwarming.
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteAlmost full term, not bad for having preeclampsia. My wife had the same condition when carrying our last child, born 10 premature early at 3 pounds, 6 ounces. But other than being early and small, she was perfectly healthy. Congratulations on the birth of your son.
ReplyDelete(Kellie's World)
Yes! I was very lucky! So glad to hear your little girl is OK!
DeleteI love this. Such a beautiful story. I'll bet your mom is looking down and saying, "she figured it out!"
ReplyDeleteAmber,
DeleteI sure hope she is!
What gorgeous little boys you have!! I'm glad your mom was able to give you a sign :)
ReplyDeleteOh, thank you so much! I think they are cute, but I may be biased :-)
DeleteAww so sad and sweet. How touching!
ReplyDeleteThank you Gia!
Deletevery sweet...looks like your mom had a plan :)
ReplyDeleteThank Robbie -- I like to think she did!
DeleteAs a fellow motherless mother, this one did me in. He is beautiful. And I have no doubt that your mother sent him to you. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you! And I'm so sorry for your loss. This is tough club to be a part of.
DeleteSo lovely and so sweet at the same time. Beautifully written. Your mom is watching over you smiling. =)
ReplyDeleteThanks for the kind words Kerry -- I sure hope she is.
DeleteSweet. Lovely post. Love the pics too. Erin
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Erin!
DeleteYou must have been one busy mommy! So nice though to have a gift from your mom.
ReplyDeleteBusy and lucky.
DeleteBeautiful story!
ReplyDeleteI am walking the Chicago 3-Day in August - which one are you doing?
Thanks Jamie-
DeleteI'm walking in the DC 3-Day in October
What a sweet, beautiful post! Love it. And your kids are just adorable!
ReplyDeleteThanks!
DeleteSo incredibly sweet.
ReplyDeleteThank you Tricia.
DeleteI love this! I love that she is with you and you know it through your son. Beautiful post.
ReplyDeleteThank you Kristen.
DeleteReally, truly beautiful!
ReplyDeleteThis is so touching and sweet. Loved it!
ReplyDeleteAw, thank you
DeleteWhat a beauty he is. You are right. I don't think anything -- much less the birth of a child -- just happens.
ReplyDeleteLosing my mom has shaken my faith but some things just seem to connected. Know what I mean?
Deleteoh, nothing like that just happens. he is a gift. a life with a purpose, that is for sure. love it!
ReplyDeleteTara-thank you thank you! Absolutely a life with purpose. Both my boys saved me from the dark place I was in when I lost my mom. They gave me a reason to find my way back to me!
DeleteThis is so beautiful. God bless you, your sweet boy, and the angel watching over both of you.
ReplyDeleteKristin-
ReplyDeletethank you so much for you sweet sweet words!
Such a sweet, sweet post.
ReplyDeleteTrue perfection. How lovely :)
ReplyDeleteOh, what a bundle of joy!
ReplyDeleteI'm struggling through a pregnancy without my mother to refer to. It sucks.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry! Yes it does. There are so many things I wish I had got the chance to ask her.
Delete