More Fall Fun

Today was another beautiful fall day.  While Matt raked the yard the boys got some fresh air.  Looking out the bedroom window I couldn't help but grab our camera and go capture some of the fun!  

Sam was really hamming it up for the camera.  I love that he was so carefree!  Will was running around like a lunatic - I got more pictures of his back as he ran away than anything else.

I've been wanting to learn more about our digital camera and some basic digital editing and have been spending some of my new found free time scouring the forums at www.clickinmoms.com .  I've picked up a few pointers that I have begun to put into practice.  While I'm sure these pictures are not technically perfect I think they capture just how much fun a big pile of leaves can be!

The Cat and the Hat: Zombie Edition

Halloween has come and gone but thanks to the modern miracle of film (or digital pictures) the memories can live on forever. 

This year we dressed the boys up as Thing 1 and Thing 2.  This is something I had been looking forward too since the day Will was born (literally).  And to complete the ensemble I went a little crazy with the black eye liner and threw on a hat and tie.

Halloween 2012 - The Cat and Thing 1 and 2

The boys were clearly not as excited about this get up as I was.  And the white face paint may have been taking things just a little too far.  Instead of cute "Things" they ended up looking like Zombies.  This was the BEST picture we had -- YIKES!

They did however enjoy going house to house.  We had been talking to Sam about Trick of Treating all week and he was raring to go when we hit the first house.  He was so excited he walked right past the woman who answered the door and into her home.  We had to re-explain the finer points of trick or treating and then all was back on track.

It's really nice, our neighbors get an annual permit and shut down our street so the kids have a safe and car free place to run up and down.  And the residents go all out, decorating their houses and dressing up.  Will made it about halfway before his little legs got too tired.  Dad carried him the rest of the way while Sam politely asked for a second piece of candy and promptly put it in Will's bucket.  

And while Thing 1 and Thing 2 were big hits around the neighborhood, I think Matt's Pumpkins stole the show.   They even made it into PBS's internal newsletter! 

Daniel Tiger and Simba Pumpkins

Happy Tuesday

Just a little Sam and Will to start the short work week!

 

What I Learned about my Kids in 30 Hours

Last Thursday we embarked on a great adventure (or insanely bad idea) -- a trip to Florida. In the car!  Have I mentioned I have a 2 year old and a 1 year old?

For those of you doing the math, that's more than 30 hours of drive time. Not counting meals and stops for the boys to run around and expel energy.

By just about every measure it was a success. The boys handled the car like champs - better than I could have hoped for.

Hour 6 -- Teddy Graham Pit Stop

I thought I knew my kids inside and out but all that time confined to a small space I learned some new things.

Like how Sam likes to sing along to his favorite Sesame Street songs -- and he knows most of the words!

Like how Will likes to do the hand motions to Itsy Bits Spider.

That Sam has a generous heart and would quickly hand over his favorite toy to try to cheer his brother up.

How Sam loves digger trucks and water.  He thinks any kind of water is the Ocean and proclaims it loudly.

Will claps along to songs he likes.

They love to hold hands and laugh at each other.

They have their own language that consists of loud, high pitched shrieks.  Apparently what they say to each other is hysterical because fits of giggles always follow.

Sam narrates every minute of life.

Will points to something he wants and says "this."

Most of all I was reminded how lucky I am to have been chosen to be their Mom.  In the hustle and bustle of the every day it's easy to get frustrated at the little things, go through the motions and miss the moments that make memories.  But this weekend I got over 30 hours of uninterrupted moments with my boys and I enjoyed every one of them (well almost!)

Easter 2012

The Times they are a Changing

When Will was still a little bit of a thing Matt started playing soft ball once a week.  I came to DREAD Tuesday nights.  The chaos of juggling a newborn and a young toddler was enough to drive me to bottles of wine and Advil. 

There was no good way to get them both to bed.  Will needed to be rocked until he was O. U. T. but I couldn't leave Sam alone while I tried to lull the cranky baby into sleep land.  I couldn't put Sam to bed first because if I left Will's sight he would shriek at the top of his lungs making it impossible to settle the toddler who was learning to assert his independence by fighting bed time. 

It was a juggling act that usually ended in tears from all parties. 

So when Matt announced last week that soft ball was starting up I wanted to curl into a ball, put my hands over my ears and pretend it wasn't so.  I think I even grumbled about it to him.  The memories of those horrible nights a year ago came flooding back.  Can you have PTSD from the terror imparted by your children? 

BUT

Could this kid be any cooler?

It was fine.  Last night Matt headed to his soft ball game and the boys and I settled into our nightly routine.  Dinner, then play time, then bed.  I changed up Will's routine a little to minimize the amount of time that Sam would be left alone to his own devices and Will rolled with the flow.  Not a peep when I layed him down in his crib after some family snuggles on the couch.  And Sam sat quietly watching Sprout's Good Night show for the couple of minutes I left him alone. 

I was free to spend a few quality minutes loving on my big boy and then focus on getting him to bed.  Both boys were quiet and asleep within 20 minutes of each other.  I was amazed.   I even vacuumed the family room! 

Does someone have a cape I can borrow?  Because ya'll I felt like Super Mom! 

My babies are growing up and while I have twinges of grief for their early days we are settling into this stage of life quite well and I'm really enjoying it. 

The Scary Side of Being a Parent

Last week I heard that an eighth grader in my town, someone's little boy, took his life.  As a mom, the mere thought of this tares me into pieces.  It makes my heart ache for that child, for that child's parents, that child's family.  It scares me to pieces that something can make a child feel things are helpless, hopeless. 

Then today I read this.  And Oh. My. Gosh.  Being a parent is so frightening.  I looked at my little monsters tonight, whose lives' are entrusted to me, and realized that right now this is the easy stuff.  I've stumbled through the last 2+ years in various states of exhaustion covered in spit up and snot and who knows what other bodily fluids.  I've rocked and burped and nursed and fed and bathed and clothed and rocked and cuddled and rocked these babies into the wee hours of the night (morning).   I've worried about fevers and coughs and sniffles and bumps and ultrasounds and blood tests.  And they have returned this outpouring of love with giggles and babbles and snuggles and coos and I love yous.  All of this has been the easy stuff. 

What lies ahead, that's the hard stuff.  How do I teach them that hope exists even in the darkest moments?  How do I instill in them self confidence and resiliency?  How do I teach them kindness towards others, empathy and compassion?  How do I make sure they know that no matter what - NO MATTER WHAT - their mom and dad are there for them, love them and can help them through anything they face? 

There's no guide book for this and despite my best efforts I tremble thinking that I might get it wrong.  Or worse, that I'll get it right but it won't matter. 

Happy Birthday Sweet Baby Will

Dear sweet Will,

Happy Birthday to my sweet little boy. 

You arrived early - on your Grandma's birthday.  But I would venture to say you were right on time. 

You've been keeping us on our toes ever since.  An easy going baby you were not.  Reflux and colic clouded our first few months but oh how you could snuggle.  And as your GI system gave you relief you settled into life in Mommy and Daddy's arms.   After all that is where you were safe from big brother!

My love, you can melt a heart with a single look.  Your eyes cut right to the soul of any person you lay them on.  I fear those eyes may get you (and many a young woman) into trouble in the future. Be careful!  They are the windows to your heart.  And unlike your brother who has always been more cautious, you tend to give your heart to anyone.  You've never shied away from someone's arms, you've always welcomed love and attention wherever it was coming from.

Will, I hope you always remain open to love when it comes your way.  I hope your heart and mind remain open.  That you continue to find the beauty within everything.  I hope when heartache comes your way, and it will, that you do not close your heart down but you learn and grow from it. 

I hope you continue to push boundaries and challenge rules (though let's not get out of hand on that one).  I hope you always want to see what lies outside the world you know.  This will open up doors you never knew existed.

I hope the love and fascination you show towards your brother continues to grow into true friendship.  I hope you protect him and let him protect you.   Together you two will be a force to be reckoned with.

I hope you never doubt the love your Dad and I have for you.  I hope you always find comfort and safety in our home.  I hope you spread your wings and fly, but that you always know that our nest is here when you need to take a rest.

My dear baby boy, on your first birthday the World lies ahead of you.  Things won't always be easy.  There will be trials and sadness and frustrations ahead.  But your ability to persevere in light of those challenges is what will define you as a person.  I will always be here to hold your hand, wipe your tears, kiss your scrapes and cheer you on along the way.  I can't wait to see where your journey takes you.

Happy Birthday my baby bear.  Don't grow up too fast.

I love you.

Mommy

An Observation

When Sam turned one we celebrated the fact that Sam survived his first year.  (As new parents it was touch and go there for a while.)

Now that Will is about to turn one, Matt and I are celebrating the fact that we survived his first year!

Wow how the tables have turned!

It's an Emotional Week

The emotion of this week just hit me.

Excitement over the celebration of the life that came crashing into my world a year ago.  It's hard to believe that my Will is going to be one.  That he is straddling the line between infancy and toddlerhood.  My baby is so quickly following in his brother's footsteps and becoming a little boy.

And grief over a celebration that will never be . . . God I miss you mom!

Bittersweet.

Brotherly Love

 

Yesterday I was driving my boys to daycare.  Will was not happy about being in his car seat and was screaming.

All of a sudden Sam started singing a song for his brother.  "Will, will, crying crying.  Will, Will yay!"  (He's destined for stardom!) Followed shortly by demands, "Will, hand.  Will, hand."

I looked in my rear view mirror just in time to watch them each reach out their little arms to hold hands.  Fits of giggles from both followed.

My. Heart. Exploded.  I freaking LOVE these kids.  How darn lucky am I?  How darn lucky are they to have each other?

Sure, there will be fights . . . there already are.  Sure, they'll compete with each other.  Sure they'll get on each others nerves.  That's normal, expected.

But I hope they will always know brotherly love.  I hope they are each others' best friend, at the end of the day, when all their other friends have gone home.  I hope Sam continues to stick up for his little brother, Will, when other kids steal his toys.  I hope that Will protects Sam's feelings when one day another kid tries to hurt them.   I hope in the the face of adversity they stand united. I hope when one triumphs they celebrate together.  I hope they hold and build each other up.   

While they may go their own ways, like their own things, have their own friends -- I hope my boys grow to know what I see today -- that there is nothing stronger, or more real, than true brotherly love.

All about Will - My Surprise Blessing

Will was . . . how shall we say it . . . an unexpected blessing.  In the first few months after I found out I was pregnant I said that over and over and over again trying to convince myself it was true.

The fact is I was up to my ears in a rambunctious 7 month old named Sam and the thought of adding another baby to the chaos that was our life was overwhelming.  But while I was struggling to make peace with the timing I celebrated the baby inside me.  While my sleep deprived brain tried to catch up, my heart was already in love with this little life.

Will was due on my birthday -- March 8 -- but he didn't wait that long.  Induced due to preeclampsia, Will made his appearance in this world on February 23 -- my mom's birthday.  It really couldn't have been more perfect.  And I don't think I can find the words to describe the mix of emotions -- bittersweet and all consuming -- that I felt when I held my sweet Will for the very first time.  The grief and joy were so intermingled I couldn't tell one from the other.

But in that moment I knew something for sure.  Will was not an unexpected blessing. Will was a very planned and intentional gift from my mom.

You see, I believe that God gave me Sam. He knew I needed Sam to get me through the first year without my mom.

But Will was my mom's doing.  Her answer to my desperate pleas.  I wasn't seeing her in my dreams like others had reported.  I would cry out questions to her that would go unanswered.  Just as I was struggling to see her in the every day she sent me a sign that she was still with me.  And every day since I look at that little boy who has so stolen my heart and I know, I just know deep down inside that she is with me.