May is just a hard, stressful month for me. There's a lot of good in May, but it all seems to be overtaken by my mom's death. It hangs over me and the month sucks the energy right out of me.
Compound that with three weekends out of town, over 70 hours in the car with two toddlers, cleaning out my parent's house and a really heavy workload. May has kicked my ass.
To cope, I gave up taking care of me. When something had to give, I gave up my time to walk. When my emotions took over I gave up counting points in return for the comfort of a glass (or two) of wine and not-so-good-for-me food.
It felt good in the moment. But today I'm feeling sluggish and a wee bit depressed that I let things get this far away from me. So I went and bought a cookie.
Yup -- My name is Amanda and I am an emotional eater.
But I felt like crap. And that cookie tasted like crap. And you know what, that cookie didn't make me feel any less crappier so I threw two thirds of it in the trash. It's time for me to get a grip. There are only a couple more short days left to May and I need to get myself back on track. Enough wallowing. Enough giving into the stress. Enough letting the depression take over. Enough Enough Enough!
I need to take hold of things again and thrive on that feeling of accomplishment when I loose a couple of pounds. Thrive on that pride when I meet or exceed my training goals for the week. Thrive on taking care of myself not just catering to my downtrodden emotions. I need to put my focus on making my body strong and healthy because when I was doing that my mind felt healthier and stronger.
So even though it's hot as hell here today, I'm going to refuse to make excuses and put my miles in. And I swear I'm not going to pull that cookie out of the trash :-).